Ok people, let's talk strapless. Or: A PLEA TO DESIGNERS EVERYWHERE

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, EVERYONE GET OVER IT.

Thanks for letting me have that little rant. Now I feel like we can truly begin.

This all started this morning when, groggy as a pirate the night after a wedding (aren't I punny? pirates would drink grog...Ok, sorry) I clambered onto my email and saw the email from VoguePatterns proclaiming that the NEW PATTERNS WERE HERE. YAY! I'm kind of a (not so) secret pattern hoarder, so I decided to check things out. Well, surprise, surprise...I was more or less disappointed. Here's a selection.

Wow. Look at all those sheath dresses. YAWN.

And then, the kicker. I saw it hovering around the bottom...some sort of delicious floral-on-white. Nothing gets my attention like pink and red on white. Here's what it was on:

                                                   

STRAPLESS! Why??? Why has everything got to be strapless? Who came up with this idea? It's terrible!

In my expertise, there is a tiny boob-range of women who can wear strapless gowns. If you are flat chested, you are not in it. Also, if you have any chest to speak of, you are not in it. That leaves...oh, about 1.8% of women who look good in a strapless. So WHY IN THE WORLD do we see this stupid design EVERYWHERE? 

(how does this last one even stay up?! what if you have to stretch!?)

I get that there's a certain charm to showing off your beautiful shoulders and collarbones. However, the majority of women (even the ones who can make these bizarre things stay up) still spend more time hiking the bodice up and/or looking like the saggy boobed grannies of yore. These types of clothes always drag down your bust. Is that the charm--the almost falling off part? Can someone help me here?

There are other ways to show off that chest without needing to resort to almost baring it. Busty ladies, why not try something like this? (Image from igigi.com...one of my fave designers)

And that goes for the rest of you too! Let's all shed the strapless like the dead weight it is, and bring back the boatneck, the cowl neck, the sweetheart neckline with long sleeves! Let's throw out the saggy boobage and celebrate cap sleeves!

Who's with me?!

And by the way, Vogue Patterns...THANKS FOR NOTHING!